Sophie Kipner

A Letter to My “Victims”

A fictionalized response to today’s headlines on the high school teacher, Stacy Schuler, who was sentenced to four years in prison for having sex with five of her students (http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/crime/2011/10/28/dnt-teacher-sex-verdict.wlwt?hpt=hp_t2).

Dear Springboro, Ohio,

Okay, okay. I admit I might have had a little too much Pinot Noir when my students paid me a late night visit, but, c’mon, who doesn’t get nervous around jocks? I needed something to calm me down. Their bodies are, like, amazing. But let’s get something straight here: having sex with a teacher isn’t scarring when you’re 17 years old and have been jerking off for years; it’s a fucking dream come true. These teens weren’t toddlers, people. At least they were being taught something useful, right guys?

If I’m guilty of anything, I’m at fault for letting a kid who is almost old enough to fight for a country live out a sexual fantasy with a woman who is old enough to know what she’s doing but young enough that her nipples still face up.

See you in four years,

Stacy Schuler